I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
