So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
