At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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