remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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