I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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