no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
