He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
