Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
another moral hangover. fuck.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
