They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
