i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
