Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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