seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
