I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
