just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
we should paint friendship bongs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
