I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
