Do you still have your period?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
