only if we run a train.
done.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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