We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
