so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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