Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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