just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
