He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
