somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
