The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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