I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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