I CAN MOONWALK!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
