I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
