that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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