He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
