Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
