Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
