I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
