every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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