i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
