Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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