Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Semen is not good for contacts.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
