I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
