So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize