Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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