so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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