He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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