the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
