omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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