i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
