I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
