so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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