grandma shit on top of the toilet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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