just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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