i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
