You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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