For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
