Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
